Why You Should Read Rilke’s Letters to a Young Poet

This summer, at the Ashland Goodwill Store, I bought a book for one dollar. Not just any book, but one every poet should read. The universe sent me this book knowing I am diving deeper into the writing lifestyle. I’m past the point of getting my toes wet or devoting Sundays to this feat. I’m all in, ink from edits tattooing my arms, waking up early with lines of my next poem. Okay, I’m not writing 24-7, since I still hold a part-time job to pay the rent. But the commitment is increasing. I’m trying to maximize all the time I have. I’m giving this writing life my all.

Letters to a Young Poet by Rainer Maria Rilke speaks to the struggle of the artist. Hell, it speaks to the struggle of creation. It is refreshing to read. Writer’s block is addressed, as is his health: “But I am not yet well, writing comes hard to me, and so you must take these few lines for more.” It’s frustrating when a physical illness or a depression prevents us from devoting time to creating.

The artistic process takes time. Rilke writes, “Being an artist means, not reckoning and counting, but ripening like the tree which does not force its sap and stands confident in the storms of spring without the fear that after them may come no summer. It does come. But it comes only to the patient, who are there as though eternity lay before them, so unconcernedly still and wide. I learn it daily, learn it with pain to which I am grateful: patience is everything!” Rilke, master of poetry, is a true master of metaphor.

As a writer, Rilke encourages fellow poets to ask questions without seeking the answers: “…be patient toward all that is unsolved in your heart and to try to love the questions themselves like locked rooms and like books that are written in a very foreign tongue. Do not now seek the answers, which cannot be given you because you would not be able to live them.”

“That is at bottom the only courage that is demanded of us: to have courage for the most strange, the most singular and the most inexplicable that we may encounter.” Recently, each of my writing teachers has advised me to “edit toward the strange.”

“The necessary thing is after all but this: solitude, great inner solitude. Going-into oneself and for hours meeting no one—this one must be able to attain.” This focus is needed to create and to revise. Recently, I have discovered that this focus can be achieved around others, but only if you are able to tune them out, via headphones or determination. Any library, coffeeshop, ice cream parlor or restaurant can be a place to find solitude. However, Rilke seems to speak to the importance of having a writing area. For me, I have two: my patio or my dining room table. Options are nice, and I prefer fresh air if it is warm enough.

Road Trip Underground

The last Tuesday in May was ideal for a road trip.  The semester break gave me the day off both school and work, and my boyfriend requested the evening off.  The weather was sunny and warm.  We had the freedom to go where we pleased.

When my boyfriend asked me where I wanted to go, I replied, “Ohio Caverns.”  I had never been there, but the website and a brochure I’d been eyeing looked enticing.  The temperature stays 54 degrees according to their site, which features a video. http://www.ohiocaverns.com

The drive was short, about an hour from our home base of Westerville, Ohio.  As we pulled into the parking lot we noticed the sheltered picnic area was teeming with students, and their bus was from central Ohio.  In my head, I said a quick prayer that they would not be in our group touring the caves.  Luckily, they had a separate reservation, and I deduced this field trip must be going on the “Historic Tour,” which was a different cave section than the tour we went on, the “Natural Wonder Tour.”

After browsing at the gift shop, it was time for our tour to begin.  A lovely college-age lady was our tour guide.  The group was six strong, only three couples.  When we entered the cave the tour guide said, “Your eyes will adjust to the dark.”  There were some small sconces added to the cave to allow electric light.

IMG_4804

IMG_4798

Rust Formations

The tour guide turned the lights on as we entered each area, and she turned them off behind us.  We were in for a real shock as she said she was about to turn all the lights off.  For about two seconds, we stood in pitch dark.  “This is how dark a cave really is.”

The cave was devoid of animal life, but the rocks were alive.  The crystals forming above us dripped icy water on our heads.  Moss was growing in a few spots, looking like wiry green hairs all in parallel.  Once we had seen a few stalagmites, stalactites, the guide pointed out some “columns” which are crystals formed all the way from the top to the bottom.

I never experienced darkness that was so illuminating.

Quitting is no longer a dirty word

The act of quitting was always discouraged as I was growing up.

If you start something, you see it through to fruition. When you start a sport, you continue it for the entire season. I attributed the act of quitting to a character weakness. You didn’t want to be the person who quit their job every six months. You didn’t want to be the one who kept quitting one hobby after another, purchasing the gear for each activity, which became simply wasteful junk in the closet.

I grew up thinking that the word “quit” should not be in my vocabulary. I grew up always viewing my ultimate strength as being genuinely committed and dedicated.  I did not quit. I was committed and dedicated to every sport, choir, theatre production, job and friendship I was a part of.

However, there have been several key moments in my life that were punctuated by quitting.

Once you are ready to make the decision to end something you finally see it is time to give yourself the gift of freedom. To earn your own freedom you have to cut all the puppet-strings.  The time came for me to find my own freedom.   I had to quit my job because I had to go back to my original dream. I have always wanted to be a writer. I am not sure when I talked myself into becoming a teacher.  I suppose halfway through college it crossed my mind.

After graduation I felt such disappointment and failure; after job searching all over central Ohio I discovered that all a four-year bachelor’s degree in English qualified me for was to be a pre-school teacher. Once hired, I even started taking night classes to earn a two-year associates degree focused on Early Childhood Education. It was a slap in the face that I was teaching in the pre-school room. I enjoyed it for a while, but I was putting a false smile on my face when I worked long hours teaching literacy to 3 and 4 year olds.  My life was spinning in such a rush. I adapted to become the one that multi-tasked the educational and emotional needs of my students. Being a college student was nothing compared to the responsibility of shaping young minds.  The majority of my colleagues were mothers, but I didn’t have such hands-on experiences. I quit the job because it overwhelmed me and stressed me out beyond control. Needless to say, several weeks where I worked 10-12 hour workdays covering extra shifts were the nail in the coffin in this decision.

Fast-forward to 2014 and I made a similar decision. Teaching high school English for seven years was so rewarding and I really did feel more comfortable in the role every year. But the beginning of year eight it felt more and more that it was not my true purpose. I taught the fall semester, but I knew that I would not be able to finish the year out. Deep contemplation in December 2014 helped me realize that I had to leave the school district. I needed to quit my job as a teacher in order to return to my original life dream. As a very young girl, I knew I wanted to be a writer. I always dreamed of following in the footsteps of the writers whose books I enjoyed.

So, I have quit teaching.

But maybe someday I will teach again, in a different way.

It is always a possibility that I would choose to teach.

I have quit, but it is only follow my true purpose. I am a writer: unpaid, fledgling, emerging writer. Someday very soon I will be more.  For now I can sleep at night because I have found part-time meaningful employment 25 hours a week.  As a teacher I consistently worked well beyond 50 hour weeks.  I may have quit the salary, benefits, and pension that would cause many people to stay in the teaching profession until they retire. But I don’t care about fancy things, so I can adapt to living on a fraction of my previous salary.

If it gives me more free time to write, then it is God’s will.

Leaving teaching helped me earn freedom that I have only known the summer before my senior year at college when I chose to not have a summer job so that I could write. Other than the summers of 2001 and 2015, I have always been some combination of student and worker bee.

The realization had to come through teaching.  I can only explain it in that while I was teaching the students to follow their dreams I realized I had to take my own advice. Teaching reminded me to follow my true purpose:  writing my story.

Gratitude

I am constantly reminded of my blessings as I move into my new apartment.  I have a lot of things I was given as a gift for a special occasion, and I have a lot of things that came to me as a surprise and I loved just the same.  As I unpack I remember not only the time that I acquired the possession, but who gave it to me.  And unfortunately, some of the people who have passed on are the one who have passed on their belongings to me.

I just took the obligatory Thanksgiving Day nap.  This year I did have some turkey, so maybe it was the tryptophan, but I had a strange dream.   The very bed frame that I was just snoozing upon used to be at my paternal grandparents’ house.   The artwork I finally mounted to the wall in my new family room was my maternal family’s heirloom art.  It has always been in the front room of every one of my apartments.

In my dream I was in the same room with both of my grandmothers.  They each were sitting, the room was dimly lit, and I was there enjoying their company.  I turned to talk to my maternal grandmother and I said “I wish we had more time.”  True to her character, she smiled and nodded, showing off her infectious smile and the twinkle in her eyes behind thick glasses.  She said “We will.”  I was crying in the dream.  I leaned in to hug her, but it was as if she had already vanished.  Definitely, as I awakened I felt that I experienced a real “Our Town” moment.

I am grateful for all of my relatives, past and present.  There are too many names to list them all.  This year I am especially grateful for every person in my life that has supported me in my quests for love, health, education, and the continual pursuit of my writing goals.  Both of my grandmothers supported me best emotionally.  I am grateful that I did have time with each of them.  Just as my parents do, my grandmothers loved me unconditionally, and they truly understood me.

I am grateful for every memory that I have of my relatives.  The grandparents, aunts and uncles who are no longer here have left a lasting impact on my life.  The best presents I ever received for Christmas didn’t come in wrapping paper.  They all gave freely of their laughter, their hugs, their comedic wit, their stories of Christmases past, and their cooking.  They gave me love through our family gatherings.

I am grateful for the family gathering I attended today at my sister-in-law’s childhood home.

Family means feeling at home.  At my new place, I am feeling at home; I am hanging nails at the wall, and next spring I might even plant flowers in the dirt.

Family means roots that go back generations.  The angels who have left our company keep influencing the family story.

Mediterranean Travels

Greece is the next stop in my travels.  It is time to shake it up and to wake up my Grecian Muse. The key is that I wanted to journey somewhere that was new to me.

So, to start this weblog off with a bang, I will be traveling internationally.    I will be in Thessaloniki and on the island of Thasos. Submerging myself in a writing workshop atmosphere is the main reason.  Stepping far outside my comfort zone is the other big reason.