Gratitude

27 Nov 2015 Leave a comment

by writerundle in awareness, blessings, family, journey, moving, retro, time travel, travel, Uncategorized Tags: , , , , , ,

I am constantly reminded of my blessings as I move into my new apartment.  I have a lot of things I was given as a gift for a special occasion, and I have a lot of things that came to me as a surprise and I loved just the same.  As I unpack I remember not only the time that I acquired the possession, but who gave it to me.  And unfortunately, some of the people who have passed on are the one who have passed on their belongings to me.

I just took the obligatory Thanksgiving Day nap.  This year I did have some turkey, so maybe it was the tryptophan, but I had a strange dream.   The very bed frame that I was just snoozing upon used to be at my paternal grandparents’ house.   The artwork I finally mounted to the wall in my new family room was my maternal family’s heirloom art.  It has always been in the front room of every one of my apartments.

In my dream I was in the same room with both of my grandmothers.  They each were sitting, the room was dimly lit, and I was there enjoying their company.  I turned to talk to my maternal grandmother and I said “I wish we had more time.”  True to her character, she smiled and nodded, showing off her infectious smile and the twinkle in her eyes behind thick glasses.  She said “We will.”  I was crying in the dream.  I leaned in to hug her, but it was as if she had already vanished.  Definitely, as I awakened I felt that I experienced a real “Our Town” moment.

I am grateful for all of my relatives, past and present.  There are too many names to list them all.  This year I am especially grateful for every person in my life that has supported me in my quests for love, health, education, and the continual pursuit of my writing goals.  Both of my grandmothers supported me best emotionally.  I am grateful that I did have time with each of them.  Just as my parents do, my grandmothers loved me unconditionally, and they truly understood me.

I am grateful for every memory that I have of my relatives.  The grandparents, aunts and uncles who are no longer here have left a lasting impact on my life.  The best presents I ever received for Christmas didn’t come in wrapping paper.  They all gave freely of their laughter, their hugs, their comedic wit, their stories of Christmases past, and their cooking.  They gave me love through our family gatherings.

I am grateful for the family gathering I attended today at my sister-in-law’s childhood home.

Family means feeling at home.  At my new place, I am feeling at home; I am hanging nails at the wall, and next spring I might even plant flowers in the dirt.

Family means roots that go back generations.  The angels who have left our company keep influencing the family story.

Back to the Future

29 Sep 2015 Leave a comment

by writerundle in awareness, Back to the Future, Chasing Life, journey, retro, time travel, travel Tags: , , , , , ,

“Being here I’ve realized what my final chapter is.  It’s this” were the words spoken on tonight’s episode of Chasing Life.  The main character, who is once again battling cancer, has decided to go to Italy and spend time dedicated to writing her book.  Her book is her story, her memoir of all the gritty tough moments that she has struggled with and continues to struggle with.  She watches a sunset and comes to accept her own mortality, saying, “I could die here…literally.”

The writers of Chasing Life have a way of saying all the things that we don’t want to dwell upon.  After all, her mother is a therapist.  The script is an offering of group therapy for all who tune in to watch it.  For some of us, the moments she has to spend in the hospital cut too close to the bone.  While it may be hard to watch, the series is focused on its message.  It tells you to keep fighting for your life.  It tells you to embrace your own story and to share it.

Back to the Future…1995

If I was cast in a new version of the Michael J. Fox classic, I would blast back to an idyllic time:  1995.

I would see victory in the form of electric energy.  I would watch myself from the wings as my younger self performed a monologue holding a snake moments after it hissed at me from its cage.  Under the theatre’s lights, the snake calmed and slinked around my arms and shoulders.  I would see myself shooting a cap gun during the spring musical to make the sound effects for the scene with a fake gun.  I would see myself sing and dance as part of the choir to a packed audience.  I would see fearlessness.

I would watch my defeat when I put myself on the line.  I would watch myself play my longest tennis match ever, fighting over every game, tied and tied again at deuce.  I would see fighting back tears of exhaustion as I lost and shook my opponent’s hand over the net.  I would watch myself run the second leg of the 4 x 100 at an indoor track meet, drop the baton, and step outside the lines to cause my team’s forfeit.  I would work twice as hard the next time I was given the opportunity to be part of a relay to ensure the handoffs were near perfection.

That is what life is in the theatre, the tennis court, the track, and the classroom:  it is glimpses of near perfection.  It is hard work to get to the place you have dreamed and dreamed and dreamed.  High school is where you decide what you will do next to make your dreams come true.  After you graduate, it is up to you to motivate yourself every day to achieve your dreams.

Back to the Future…2015. 

My future chapter is full of blank pages.  What is next?  I really don’t know.  I am okay with the uncertainty.  After all, every day I am traveling along an uncertain path.  All I know is that every day, I write another page of the future chapter.

Write. Edit. Repeat.

Back to the past: Time Traveling

13 Sep 2015 Leave a comment

by writerundle in awareness, Greece, journey, moving, retro, time travel, travel Tags: , , , , , ,

Packing up my life in boxes is bittersweet.  First, it is a chore, the kind that you procrastinate about starting.  It’s not a simple task.

I am only six weeks away from my moving date.  Knowing that I have a moving date on my calendar is beyond comprehension; it feels real and surreal at the same time.

Looking back at the past I have textbooks from college, children’s books from when I was a pre-school teacher, and young adult books I read as a high school teacher to converse with my students about the latest literary releases.  I have books galore.  All of these are coming with me.

Boxes, Boxes, boxes.  You know the cardboard boxes that are never opened, but shuffled from one apartment to the next, filled with memories, notebooks from classes, and your writings.  You couldn’t bear to look through them, but you also couldn’t imagine getting rid of them.  Each of these boxes is part and parcel of who we are.

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Symphony at Lakeside, Ohio

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Ohio State Buckeyes football fall 2006

Shoeboxes full of relationship mementos.  Your relationship has endured so long that you have filled several boxes and you keep starting new ones.  Each box contains a few years of history.  Each box has mementos, concert tickets, wedding and baby shower invites, movie stubs, and one even contains the corsage from your high school senior prom.  Long distance love letters from college and birthday cards are in their own box.

More recently the box has obituaries, medical bracelets from your visits, and writings that are only partially written.  More recently, work intruded with your time with friends and dates with your boyfriend.  The dark clouds took up residence for too long.  Writing was the moment in the recent past where you triggered happiness back into your life.

Finally you have acquired international mementos from three trips to Europe, including your favorites which you would love to plan a return visit:  Switzerland and Greece.  A new box needs to be established as you move on to new chapters of your life.  God willing, more positivity will fill the next box.

But the childhood and college mementos are who we are.  That is the time in my life I knew who I was the best.  Before jobs and responsibilities divided our lives into scheduled moments I said “yes” to everything I had an interest in.  Freedom allowed that discovery.